The world keeps turning. New music is created. New babies are born. Old friends die. Marriages are began and ended. Books are written and read. Holidays and birthdays are celebrated. Wars are fought and won...or lost. Seasons keep changing and the years pass faster and faster than they ever did when we were children. Technology advances, the ozone layer keeps thinning, morals decline, hate grows, love dies, taxes rise, flowers bloom, children mature, and the never promised tomorrow somehow finds its way to mankind. Without you.
Without you because you never found your way to tomorrow. We lost you back on yesterday. That smiling, caring, hard-working, giving, loving, beautiful, big-hearted mother, daughter, wife, sister, aunt, and friend that you were left this life and all the world behind to linger in our memories in love and light. Go home to your babies, Auntie Janie and I will miss you always.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Questioning Reality
We were all born with the ability to create and have our own opinions on any subject one can imagine. What one person believes is true is not neccessarily the truth for another. It also doesn't mean that either/or is wrong nor does it mean it is truth in either case.
I was raised as a Christian of the Baptist faith for as long as I can remember and there are members of my family, some deceased now, who are/were some of the most faithful and fervent worshipers I have ever known. I am not one of them. In fact, for a few years now I have been toying with the idea that perhaps religion is a man-made thing.
The Bible is, in fact, a collection of books and stories written throughout a number of years. Books chosen by a group of men who selected the works of "approved" writers for inclusion into a volume of writings so that Christians could claim a "holy" book of their own. What made it holy was that it was deemed so by the hierarchy of Christian elders who held power and prestige over commoners of their day. These were mortal men, who held no real power over faith and the beliefs of others.
Several things that I have pondered over for a number of years are as follows.
The Virgin Birth- God supposedly planted this child, Jesus, into the womb of the Virgin Mary. A virgin. Yet, Mary was joined to Joseph. Does this mean they never had sex during their relationship, before she conceived OR did she meet him while pregnant and he agreed to join with this pregnant woman? How did she explain THAT one? Where did this mysterious sperm come from?
Heaven's location- We all look skyward when we think of Heaven and it was probably a no-brainer in the days before there were airplanes in the sky and humans flying through outer space. It is believed to be "up there" somewhere and yet no-one has of yet discovered it in all the years of space travel and flying through the sky? Where is it? On an astral plane? Invisible? What about the streets paved in gold we have heard so much about?
Adam and Eve- So, God created a man and decided he was probably lonely and needed to procreate so he created a woman from one of Adam's ribs and placed them both in this Garden of Eden. Fine. How does one explain cavemen? Are we to believe that humans actually regressed instead of progressed to a time when they started living in caves and grunting like animals, barely walking upright? In what order did man progress; Adam and Eve, Cavemen and then came Jesus and the writers of the Bible? PROOF that cavemen existed has been found in hieroglyphs all over the world. Where is the proof that Adam and Eve actually existed?
History, I believe, was written by a plethora of men with hard-ons on power trips. Men who needed to make themselves feel big and bad by lowering or destroying the self-esteem and self-worth of others, such as men they didn't see as their equal, people of other races, the lower class and especially women. Men, barbaric and cruel, who got off on the pain of others with their twisted torture devices and inhuman acts of violence.
Religion was created the same way.
Be fruitful and multiply, yeah that benefits those horny men into getting laid on a regular basis by making it seem dutiful for religious reasons.
Painful childbirth. Childbirth, according to the Bible, was not initially painful yet "God" caused it to be as punishment to Eve and all of her female descendants for biting of the forbidden fruit. What about Adam? He bit it too. But no, there would be no repercussions for Adam because he was A MAN.
Self-flagellation- Please. Whose idea was it to thrash oneself with a barbed whip as a show of faithfulness and loyalty to God? Why indeed would this please God or anyone else?
I have gone on long enough and managed to get a lot of this off of my chest and the hour is late. In truth, I just don't know what I believe in anymore but I am not so bold as to suggest that GOD absolutely does not exist for only one reason. What if I convince myself that he doesn't when he really does? Talk about making God angry? Then again, there are cultures who believe in their own idol and refuse or are unable to believe in the same God I refer to. Christians, Catholics, Jews, Hinduism, Muslims, Agnostics, Mormons, Protestants, Wiccans, Islam, Buddhism, Chinese folk religion, Scientologists, etc... all have a different or varied view of some sort of idol and, as I said in the beginning, we all are born with the ability to create and have our own opinions. What makes the Christian Bible view the absolute truth? If I decided tomorrow to convert to Islam and pray to Allah, does that make the Christian God suddenly non-existant? What if I choose Wicca and prayed to a Goddess, is HE still "up there" condemning me to Hell for doing so? I think not. It is all a question of faith and what we allow ourselves to believe as well as what we are taught in the places of worship we attend or what information we are handed-down through our families' generations. How it is interpreted depends on our elders; how it is received and believed is up to us.
I was raised as a Christian of the Baptist faith for as long as I can remember and there are members of my family, some deceased now, who are/were some of the most faithful and fervent worshipers I have ever known. I am not one of them. In fact, for a few years now I have been toying with the idea that perhaps religion is a man-made thing.
The Bible is, in fact, a collection of books and stories written throughout a number of years. Books chosen by a group of men who selected the works of "approved" writers for inclusion into a volume of writings so that Christians could claim a "holy" book of their own. What made it holy was that it was deemed so by the hierarchy of Christian elders who held power and prestige over commoners of their day. These were mortal men, who held no real power over faith and the beliefs of others.
Several things that I have pondered over for a number of years are as follows.
The Virgin Birth- God supposedly planted this child, Jesus, into the womb of the Virgin Mary. A virgin. Yet, Mary was joined to Joseph. Does this mean they never had sex during their relationship, before she conceived OR did she meet him while pregnant and he agreed to join with this pregnant woman? How did she explain THAT one? Where did this mysterious sperm come from?
Heaven's location- We all look skyward when we think of Heaven and it was probably a no-brainer in the days before there were airplanes in the sky and humans flying through outer space. It is believed to be "up there" somewhere and yet no-one has of yet discovered it in all the years of space travel and flying through the sky? Where is it? On an astral plane? Invisible? What about the streets paved in gold we have heard so much about?
Adam and Eve- So, God created a man and decided he was probably lonely and needed to procreate so he created a woman from one of Adam's ribs and placed them both in this Garden of Eden. Fine. How does one explain cavemen? Are we to believe that humans actually regressed instead of progressed to a time when they started living in caves and grunting like animals, barely walking upright? In what order did man progress; Adam and Eve, Cavemen and then came Jesus and the writers of the Bible? PROOF that cavemen existed has been found in hieroglyphs all over the world. Where is the proof that Adam and Eve actually existed?
History, I believe, was written by a plethora of men with hard-ons on power trips. Men who needed to make themselves feel big and bad by lowering or destroying the self-esteem and self-worth of others, such as men they didn't see as their equal, people of other races, the lower class and especially women. Men, barbaric and cruel, who got off on the pain of others with their twisted torture devices and inhuman acts of violence.
Religion was created the same way.
Be fruitful and multiply, yeah that benefits those horny men into getting laid on a regular basis by making it seem dutiful for religious reasons.
Painful childbirth. Childbirth, according to the Bible, was not initially painful yet "God" caused it to be as punishment to Eve and all of her female descendants for biting of the forbidden fruit. What about Adam? He bit it too. But no, there would be no repercussions for Adam because he was A MAN.
Self-flagellation- Please. Whose idea was it to thrash oneself with a barbed whip as a show of faithfulness and loyalty to God? Why indeed would this please God or anyone else?
I have gone on long enough and managed to get a lot of this off of my chest and the hour is late. In truth, I just don't know what I believe in anymore but I am not so bold as to suggest that GOD absolutely does not exist for only one reason. What if I convince myself that he doesn't when he really does? Talk about making God angry? Then again, there are cultures who believe in their own idol and refuse or are unable to believe in the same God I refer to. Christians, Catholics, Jews, Hinduism, Muslims, Agnostics, Mormons, Protestants, Wiccans, Islam, Buddhism, Chinese folk religion, Scientologists, etc... all have a different or varied view of some sort of idol and, as I said in the beginning, we all are born with the ability to create and have our own opinions. What makes the Christian Bible view the absolute truth? If I decided tomorrow to convert to Islam and pray to Allah, does that make the Christian God suddenly non-existant? What if I choose Wicca and prayed to a Goddess, is HE still "up there" condemning me to Hell for doing so? I think not. It is all a question of faith and what we allow ourselves to believe as well as what we are taught in the places of worship we attend or what information we are handed-down through our families' generations. How it is interpreted depends on our elders; how it is received and believed is up to us.
Christmas Gift Giving Plan
OK, it's getting close to the holidays starting with Thanksgiving. The one day of the year we are supposed to give thanks for all the blessings in our lives, share those blessings with family and most likely, have a wonderful feast with family and friends. An awesome day and yes, I have lots to be thankful for. I have two wonderful sons, love in my life, a great family, loving friends, a roof over my head, and a lot of little things that I am probably taking for granted. Life, for the most part, is good. Yet, this little nag is still at the base of my skull as it usually is around this time of year. This little nag that gets bigger as each year passes.
CHRISTMAS! As a kid, I loved Christmas. Break from school, presents under the tree, family getting together, football games on the TV at my grandparents house, great food, building snowmen and igloos in the yard, snowball fights and Christmas carols. As an adult, I have become very disenchanted. I HATE Christmas. As an adult, it is too cold, too crowded, too much traffic, and really too commercialized. Where did the Christmas spirit go? Why can't we all just enjoy the family togetherness, the Christmas lights, the tree, the food, the memories of Christmas past, the loved ones we share them with, the loved ones we've lost, the beauty of the snow as it falls gently against the window glass, the joy in a child's eyes. Why is the emphasis of the holiday centered on shopping and giving presents? There is a lot of pressure on what to buy, how much to spend on each individual family member or friend, where to spend the holiday, who's going to be pissed off that they DIDN'T get what they wanted this year, who gave what to whom and why is the gift I received not as good as the one someone else got? It is a pain in the butt and I hate it. I also have a plan.
CHRISTMAS GIFT PLAN
Most parents know what it is that they want and their children want for Christmas. Wish lists are compiled every year and copied to other family members in hope that these gifts are purchased and given. MY PLAN? Parents. Go shopping and buy whatever it is on your own list for yourself and also the lists of your children, wrap them up and place them under the tree. On Christmas Day, the gifts will be opened, everybody gets exactly what they wanted for Christmas, the children are happy because their parents followed the list they compiled and the adults will not have to go later and stand in the gift return lines at Target because they did their job. This plan is great because parents will be spending exactly what they choose to spend and nothing more. No one will be going into debt trying to please the rest of the family with their outrageously expensive gift requests and no one is left out or thinking that someone gift is better than their own.
OK, I realize that their are some family members who no longer have parents to buy gifts for them. Grandparents, for example. Including a gift for these loved ones is perfectly fine, in fact, I think more important than ever; it is giving back for all the years they gave to their children, not only at Christmas time but throughout their lives.
So, that is my plan. Will it fly? I don't know but what I do know is that I would hate Christmas time a lot less if we focused more on the spirit of Christmas and less on the giving. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is for?
CHRISTMAS! As a kid, I loved Christmas. Break from school, presents under the tree, family getting together, football games on the TV at my grandparents house, great food, building snowmen and igloos in the yard, snowball fights and Christmas carols. As an adult, I have become very disenchanted. I HATE Christmas. As an adult, it is too cold, too crowded, too much traffic, and really too commercialized. Where did the Christmas spirit go? Why can't we all just enjoy the family togetherness, the Christmas lights, the tree, the food, the memories of Christmas past, the loved ones we share them with, the loved ones we've lost, the beauty of the snow as it falls gently against the window glass, the joy in a child's eyes. Why is the emphasis of the holiday centered on shopping and giving presents? There is a lot of pressure on what to buy, how much to spend on each individual family member or friend, where to spend the holiday, who's going to be pissed off that they DIDN'T get what they wanted this year, who gave what to whom and why is the gift I received not as good as the one someone else got? It is a pain in the butt and I hate it. I also have a plan.
CHRISTMAS GIFT PLAN
Most parents know what it is that they want and their children want for Christmas. Wish lists are compiled every year and copied to other family members in hope that these gifts are purchased and given. MY PLAN? Parents. Go shopping and buy whatever it is on your own list for yourself and also the lists of your children, wrap them up and place them under the tree. On Christmas Day, the gifts will be opened, everybody gets exactly what they wanted for Christmas, the children are happy because their parents followed the list they compiled and the adults will not have to go later and stand in the gift return lines at Target because they did their job. This plan is great because parents will be spending exactly what they choose to spend and nothing more. No one will be going into debt trying to please the rest of the family with their outrageously expensive gift requests and no one is left out or thinking that someone gift is better than their own.
OK, I realize that their are some family members who no longer have parents to buy gifts for them. Grandparents, for example. Including a gift for these loved ones is perfectly fine, in fact, I think more important than ever; it is giving back for all the years they gave to their children, not only at Christmas time but throughout their lives.
So, that is my plan. Will it fly? I don't know but what I do know is that I would hate Christmas time a lot less if we focused more on the spirit of Christmas and less on the giving. Isn't that what Thanksgiving is for?
The Importance of Being Discreet
So many times in life we meet people, develop relationships, share dreams, fantasies and secrets and believe that these people we have endeared to our hearts are trustworthy, honest and really care about us. But, how much do we really know each other, even those we invite into our homes, our beds, our lives? How do you decide if this person is deserving of our honesties, our secrets, our discretion?
My mom always said, "treat people as you want to be treated" and that idea has always been the position I have taken when I meet someone. I assume that a person I am dealing with, associating with or relating to feels the same way. That, would be the basis of trust for me. Someone else may see it as naive. They would be right, of course yet I'd like to think that when I meet someone, I can trust them and be completely open with them as much as I would hope they can be the same for me. In other words, I'd like to know that the dreams, fantasies, secrets and acted on impulses that I have shared with another are kept discreet.
Webster's Dictionary describes indiscretion as "something marked by lack of discretion; an act deviating from accepted morality."
Discretion is defined as "A quality of being discreet; power of free decision or latitude of choice."
To be discreet is "to show good judgment or to be capable of observing prudent silence."
Discretion, in any relationship, whether it be in the work place, in a one-night stand, between partners-in-crime, in a committed relationship, between family members, etc... is imperative if we desire to build a bond and a mutual trust in each other. On the other hand, little white lies told in an attempt to hide an indiscretion from a trusted associate, partner, spouse or lover really do hurt (if they are discovered), and that type of discretion, which only benefits one party in a relationship, is not likely to benefit the relationship as a whole. Sometimes our discretions in one relationship are also indiscretions in another, when a third party is involved. These days it is more common to have both than one would think.
So, when is it wise to be discreet? Someone who goes out and cheats on a spouse or gambles away their paycheck and then returns to their partner with a little white lie is using discretion to benefit themselves yet they are harming the relationship by doing so. However, sometimes discretion is beneficial when two people who mutually agree to share an intimate moment, or a secret not meant for the world to know, do so and what is the harm then?
Mom also said once that "what they don't know, won't hurt 'em" and guess she is right on that one too. Discretion, while is usually only benefits those who have a secret to hide, is still a valid and important part of any relationship and it is the skeletons in the closet that most of us can lay claim to, that are best left in that closet because again, being able to trust each other is sometimes more important than finding out about all those little white lies.
An example of this would be a man who has a wife and a mistress. A discretion with his mistress would be an indiscretion against his wife. Yes?
I guess what it all boils down to is this. When two people form a bond or relationship, they would probably assume that the other party can be trusted to keep all truths discreet even if one or both parties have other associated bonds whom also expect that certain trusts be kept. Is it possible to be discreet in more than one relationship at a time? Well, it all depends on which party in the relationship is doing the answering. In the above example, I suppose a man would have to answer "yes" as would his mistress, who would also benefit from discretion of the indiscretion, but the wife would probably answer "no" and unless discretion is utilized, she is probably on her way to see a divorce attorney. Having been both the wife and the mistress at different times in my life, I truly believe that discretion is as important a part of a relationship as the need to bond, share and relate is.
My mom always said, "treat people as you want to be treated" and that idea has always been the position I have taken when I meet someone. I assume that a person I am dealing with, associating with or relating to feels the same way. That, would be the basis of trust for me. Someone else may see it as naive. They would be right, of course yet I'd like to think that when I meet someone, I can trust them and be completely open with them as much as I would hope they can be the same for me. In other words, I'd like to know that the dreams, fantasies, secrets and acted on impulses that I have shared with another are kept discreet.
Webster's Dictionary describes indiscretion as "something marked by lack of discretion; an act deviating from accepted morality."
Discretion is defined as "A quality of being discreet; power of free decision or latitude of choice."
To be discreet is "to show good judgment or to be capable of observing prudent silence."
Discretion, in any relationship, whether it be in the work place, in a one-night stand, between partners-in-crime, in a committed relationship, between family members, etc... is imperative if we desire to build a bond and a mutual trust in each other. On the other hand, little white lies told in an attempt to hide an indiscretion from a trusted associate, partner, spouse or lover really do hurt (if they are discovered), and that type of discretion, which only benefits one party in a relationship, is not likely to benefit the relationship as a whole. Sometimes our discretions in one relationship are also indiscretions in another, when a third party is involved. These days it is more common to have both than one would think.
So, when is it wise to be discreet? Someone who goes out and cheats on a spouse or gambles away their paycheck and then returns to their partner with a little white lie is using discretion to benefit themselves yet they are harming the relationship by doing so. However, sometimes discretion is beneficial when two people who mutually agree to share an intimate moment, or a secret not meant for the world to know, do so and what is the harm then?
Mom also said once that "what they don't know, won't hurt 'em" and guess she is right on that one too. Discretion, while is usually only benefits those who have a secret to hide, is still a valid and important part of any relationship and it is the skeletons in the closet that most of us can lay claim to, that are best left in that closet because again, being able to trust each other is sometimes more important than finding out about all those little white lies.
An example of this would be a man who has a wife and a mistress. A discretion with his mistress would be an indiscretion against his wife. Yes?
I guess what it all boils down to is this. When two people form a bond or relationship, they would probably assume that the other party can be trusted to keep all truths discreet even if one or both parties have other associated bonds whom also expect that certain trusts be kept. Is it possible to be discreet in more than one relationship at a time? Well, it all depends on which party in the relationship is doing the answering. In the above example, I suppose a man would have to answer "yes" as would his mistress, who would also benefit from discretion of the indiscretion, but the wife would probably answer "no" and unless discretion is utilized, she is probably on her way to see a divorce attorney. Having been both the wife and the mistress at different times in my life, I truly believe that discretion is as important a part of a relationship as the need to bond, share and relate is.
Keeping It Real
I have enjoyed blogging for quite some time although I don't think I devote enough time to it. Today I ran across this blog site and decided to sign up. I realized that I wanted to keep a blog of "happenings". Personals, News, Opinions, Items of Interest, People, Places, Things, Whatevers... After giving some thought to content, I decided that, more than anything else, I am going to "keep it real". I am not going to glamorize, trivialize or sanitize any of the details. I will write about it just as I saw it, felt it, lived it, heard it, etc...
I will start my blogging with a Personal.
This photo is of my sons.
Today my Ryan is 5 months old. He sits and watches me move my fingers across the keyboard and I think he wonders what it is I am up to. Those little fingers dance slightly toward me as if he wants to try moving them across the keyboard himself. In time, little man, in time.
I am still flabbergasted that I am a mom again. My first child, Michael, is almost 21 years old. Ryan is number two. I don't regret a minute of it. As I have been watching Michael grow up and move along with his life, ever so slowly decreasing any mom time or direction he has needed for all these years, I suddenly feel needed again and look forward to a pair of little boy eyes looking up at me and hearing this child call me Mommy. Recently, when he decides he is bored with the toy, blanket, the Baby Einstein video, his finger scrutiny, you name it....he starts to holler and several of us have realized that what he is saying really does sound like "Mama". That is really all it takes to get Mama in motion and I run in there with tears of joy in my eyes to pick him up and, usually, I am blessed with the biggest toothless grin you can imagine which I have not yet allowed myself to believe it is actually a smirk saying "sucker, I fooled you again and you came running". Not my baby.
I took Ryan for vaccinations on Monday and he has been a little cranky ever since. Sleeping a bit more too. I have concerns about vaccinations that I never thought about before. When Michael was a baby, I took him for his shots whenever they were due and never gave it a second thought. But there have been discussions over the safety of certain vaccines and I am sitting on the fence awaiting more definitive answers. I just don't know. The MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine is the biggest one. Can it really cause autism in babies? If there is even the slightest chance, I don't want to subject Ryan to it. What about the swine flu vaccine? How safe is this thing? Is it necessary? No matter the vaccine, should they be required or voluntary? Should parents have to make this decision for a child? Could they wait until the child is old enough to make the vaccination decision for themselves? I found info online yesterday about exemptions from vaccines based on religious purposes. All a parent has to do is put it in writing that they object to these vaccinations on that basis and that covers it. But what about if a parent objects because they don't want to risk their child's health and/or life by having them injected with a live virus (whether it has been altered or not)? I got the MMR vaccine when I was a child and I still got mumps, which was miserable, so what good did it do me? I intend to bring this up with Ryan's pediatrician on his next visit.
I need to complain a bit. About 3 weeks ago, on Sept. 18th, I was out on our front porch, sitting in the rocking chair with the baby, who was about to fall asleep. I decided to take him in the house because it was getting really dark and mosquitoes were starting to notice us. When I got up out of the chair, I felt myself get a little dizzy and I lost my balance. I knew I was going to fall and my only concern was for the baby so I clutched him tightly to my chest and fell straight backwards on the deck. I fell behind the rocking chair and into a long solid wood table I have back there with plants on it. I made contact with the table with my rib cage just below my left shoulder blade. It knocked the wind out of me and bruised a little but after a few minutes I felt a little better. Baby was fine. When I went to bed that night, I laid on my stomach like I always do when I felt and heard this "pop" just under my left breast and suddenly I was in excruciating pain. It has not let up at all and I can hardly lift the baby (or anything else for that matter). I am just wondering if this is just badly bruised, did I break a rib, is my lung damaged? I feel like an idiot and that's why I haven't gone to the doctor. Clumsy, big time. Suffering from dumbassity on top of all of that. You see how this blog is going to go, eh?
Over time, I will gradually introduce you to the other players in my life's drama. Members of these stories will include an ex-husband, a few brothers, a little sister, a significant other and a host of other folks who rarely enter my realm but do, on occasion, have some noteworthy tales that need to be explained, examined or exploited. For that reason, some names may be omitted or changed to protect the innocent or to not embarrass the guilty. This oughta be fun, huh? I have some friends and relatives that will have you rolling on the floor in hysterics, crying your eyes out or picking your chin up off the floor in shock. Promise.
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